Friday, April 4, 2014

Not sure if I'm really feeling doing this entry....
Nothing has changed where my feelings are concerned..My life has been altered in a way I never thought it would be...

Do we move on?? Yes, to some degree anyway...
In other ways, you are stuck..stuck in the knowledge that you can't change what happened..you can't bring back your baby boy..

It seems to me that other people think you should be Normal after a certain amount of time..
That is not totally possible..it appears that we are normal..we move forward with daily routines, work, shopping and such..but inside it is all still there..

I quit my job....My last day was March 28th...There were many reasons as to why I did this..
First and foremost: I wasn't making enough money to live on. I had to also work a part time evening job...Which wouldn't be too bad if I worked at an office during the day..but I didn't..I was on  my feet moving around all day..bending, stretching, lifting..
It was too much..
Secondly: the cna's did not want to take care of the residents properly and I was sick of being a witness to it...to say nothing of the fact that most (the lazy ones) of them put me on ignore because I made a few things known and they didn't like it..to bad, you should have done your job...bitches....

I decided to start a cleaning business..So, I'll clean houses during the day and then work my part time job at night..but at least I will make more than I was, call my own hours and won't have to deal with incompetent workers...
I've had my business cards made. Next step is to put an ad in the paper..which I will do next week...I felt like taking this first week easy...lol...

We will have a lot of difficult days this summer...The one year anniversary of when we last saw JJ...His birthday in August..I want to be able to grieve and celebrate those days without having to worry about spending them at a job...
I don't think people understand or care that these are hard days to  deal with..after a certain (short) amount of time, they really don't want to hear it..
They don't want to hear that you didn't sleep last night because of the pain, they don't want to hear any of it..You are supposed to just do your job...don't be down..don't have an attitude...Don't bring them down...
The ironic part of all of that is that I was actually the one to walk in the door each morning with a positive attitude..Lifting THEIR spirits...jeeeeez really...
It was hard to deal with some of their bad attitudes...really...YOU don't love your job, you don't want to be there....well, be in my shoes....
It was draining to try to keep everyone else positive....

Well, I guess I've ranted enough..No one will see this anyway, since my blog seems to have disappeared...


2 comments:

Linda :) said...

This is crazy but I thought of you this morning and wondered wait why haven't I seen any blog alerts for you, so I got on blogger and searched for you through my followers and there just today, you did an entry... I'm glad you quit your job... Take care of you... Grieving takes as long as it needs... I wish we lived closer and then you could clean my house... :)
Son1 and DIL are expecting a baby... I'll have my first grandchild, a grandson, this August... when your grandson will have his birthday... Sending hugs... Love You... :)

slj said...

Thank you Linda,
I've been working for months on getting my blog fixed..not sure if everyone will be able to get to it.
Congratulations on the grand baby. There is nothing like it <3
I hope to reconnect with everyone..
Love and hugs,
Sheri