Saturday, October 26, 2013

This is the Memorial a woman on one of the Marine sites made for us...

It has been three weeks of hell....I say this is our new normal..We don't have a choice...it's unfair...Everyone keeps saying how strong we are...No, we are not strong..we don't have a choice...We have to think of the other kids..I still have to go to work...it just sucks no matter how you look at it.....

Last week Wednesday, JJ returned home..We went to the airport with our gunny sargent...There were so many people there..oh my gosh...Bikers Galore...from the Patriot Guards, and Rolling Thunder...They not only escort you to the funeral home, but they stay there so that you are not bothered by the Westboro Church NUTS..


There were Marines, the news stations and probably 18 motorcycle cops..
The escort home was an amazing site...People standing along the side of the roads, in every different township, they had one of their firetrucks and firemen saluting...

It was probably a 20 mile drive and they had barricaded each intersection..it was a huge procession...

Once back at the funeral home, we were finally able to see him..
It was (and is) so hard to comprehend..but we were glad he was home..it was one less thing to worry about...

We had the viewing on Friday the 18th...
My daughter greeted people for four hours...Literally...four hours..
I don't know how she held up..I think it helped give her something to do...she heard stories about JJ from other young Marines..Two boys paid their own way from North Carolina to get here to pay their respects...

The Patriot Guards stayed outside the whole time..and it was cold..I kept trying to get them to come in and get something to eat..they wouldn't..they said they had a job to do....Protecting my grandson....

Saturday was his service..we had an hour and a half time of viewing before the service..They did the 21 gun salute, played taps and one of his high school teachers spoke, as did his recruiting sargent...
I pray to God that I never have to live thru this again....it was the hardest thing I have ever done..
And on top of that, we had to deal with JJ's dad and so called step-mother being there..I know we are not supposed to hate,, but I hate those two people more than I can say..it took everything I had in me not to slap both of them..
They did nothing but torture my grandson and then sit there like this is hurting them...Well, let me tell you, I did not see ONE tear from either of them....
I hate both of them and hope they rot in hell for the torture they put JJ thru....

The paper work finally came for his cremation...So, that took place yesterday..and this morning, we go to the funeral home to pick up the urns....
And then we are going to go to Great America in Illinois..I know, it sounds weird..but we need to Do something..we need a break from all of it..we need to spend one on one time with Monique and Paris..We probably won't stay long and we really won't be getting away from anything, but it may occupy our minds for a minute or two...

On Monday we will intern part of JJ's ashes at the cemetery..One more heartache to go thru...and it STILL doesn't seem real...
My heart is just broken..... 

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Waking up is the hardest:(

My grandsons obituary is in the newspaper today...and sadly so is the obituary for my former father in law...Tragic....Even more so because my grandson never got to know him..
I think the last time my f-i-l saw him was when he was under the age of two...
Rest in peace Harold.....

We have almost every thing done for JJ's return home..I think the only thing we have to do now is finish his picture board..I found the most recent pictures of him when we were all camping in the Dells in June..

My daughter found the most beautiful burial plot..He will have a tree on either side of him..we will be able to plant live flowers and small greenery..In fact, a girl that she went to school with works for a local nursery and the have offered to go there and do the planting for us..Everyone has done so much..it has touched our hearts in ways we can't even explain....

The hardest part is going to be dealing with the AWFUL Westboro Baptist Church..They are so vile...they do protests at the funerals of fallen soldiers...I know the Marines were keeping an eye on their website to see if they were planning on coming here, but I decided to check for myself..In one way, I'm glad I did, because, sure enough, there at the top of the list is my grandsons name....OMG..I just felt sick that they would have a list of 11 people that they are going to protest...
Well, let me tell you......they are going to have a fight on their fucking hands when they get here...NOT only with the Patriot Guards be here, but my nephew is getting ahold of the Rolling Thunder...They are a group of Vets that ride motor cycles and they will NOT let them get close..We will also enlist the help of the Barking Lot..that is where my grandpuppy goes to day care..They said they would Bring out the Dogs...We know these dogs are loving family dogs but they will look mighty mean..90% of them will be Pitts.....

I don't know how these people can call themselves a church..it makes me literally sick to my stomach...

As it turns out, JJ won't be home until Wed..Shannon wanted to leave him at Dover where he will be looked after by his Marine brothers for as long as possible...

Tomorrow we will go and finalize his headstone..oh it is so beautiful..It stands about 4 1/2 feet tall...It is a square pillar..

Then we will be done until he comes home on Wed......and then the hardest part will start....

Please keep us in your hearts and prayers that we can get thru this.......  

Thursday, October 10, 2013


These are just some of the Memorials that have been made for JJ....
Our Delta group that was started when the boys were in boot camp have rallied around us...They started a fund raiser and have flooded our face book pages with thoughts, prayers and love....

My daughter Shannon has been on the news numerous times..The first time was because of JJ being from our area..then the national news got into it because of the government shut down..they are not sending out the death benefits that usually go out in 36 hours..there also might be a problem with the funeral home getting paid because of the shut down..right now there aren't any checks being written for these things...

My daughter is doing the interviews more for other families that can't afford to take time off of work to mourn and prepare for their loved ones to come home..believe me, it takes a long time..
JJ died on the 5th but won't be home until next Tuesday and then the viewing will be on Friday the 18th and the services on Sat..

Shannon is blessed to have many hours of personal time off..and she gets paid...
Some families don't have that..they have to go to work while trying to mourn their loved ones..such a shame...

Tomorrow morning we go to do the obituary..that will be another trying time....
Then in the afternoon we will go to JJ's high school for a Memorial service...
Then a few days break until he comes home on Tuesday...

During all of this time, his father is acting like he is heartbroken..his dumb ass wife is acting the same..When JJ was little she used to make him sleep on the basement floor because he was a bed wetter...NO blankets..she said she was sick of doing laundry...AND NOW, she wants to act like the heartbroken step-mom...Oh Lord, help us deal with them at the service...

We also have to be worried about some baptist church that might protest at the funeral...God help them if they try that....
The Marines are keeping an eye on their web site and if it looks like they're going to show up, the will get even MORE MARINES  to stand guard...
Such a shame that people would be so cruel....

Well, on that note, I need to either do some cleaning around here or try to get some sleep...
I only worked for a few hours today at my day job..I'll work tonight and then I'll be off for the rest of the week-end.....and I need that:)

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

I thought it was about time to post another entry:)

It's been a rough few days for sure...In some respects it feels like it has been weeks..not just four days.....

Yesterday, JJ was flown from Germany to Dover Air Force base..
This is my beloved grandson......

They will do the autopsy today...We found out today that he won't be home until next Tuesday..Waiting makes things so much harder....

The news crews have descended upon my daughter likes flies..
She didn't even realize that that would happen until she found out that they had talked to his dad...the person that hasn't seen him for over 6 years..the person that went to jail for beating him...and the person that didn't even know he was in Afghanistan....

She decided to do the interviews so that it would be correct...
After the local stations got what they wanted she heard from "Today"...she did the interview and totally turned it around to reflect on the fact that the government is shut down..they also used war footage and said that JJ was on the front line doing one of the most dangerous jobs..that is NOT true..he was an intelligence specialist.....Once they found out how pissed off she was, they told her that they would correct it and it will air today....

Yesterday we went to the funeral home to make final arrangements...
The viewing will be Friday the 18th and service on Sat..he will have full military honors...

I found out that my ex-step-daughter...the very one that said she didn't want my grandson Mason to see me anymore, said she was coming to the service...OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT....I sent her a message stating that she is not welcome to come..she sent back "Whatever" and then, "Then Mason isn't coming".....Dumb bitch..does she not realize that no matter what she says, I have been seeing Mason..she is not one of the brightest people around..

On Tuesday the Marines will escort us to the airport to meet JJ's plane...there will be a small ceremony and then he will go to the funeral home..
We still don't know the extent of his injuries, so we don't know if we will be able to have an open casket...either way, Shannon and I will view him to say our good byes....Oh God.....I still can't believe that this is happening.......

I'll try to keep you up dated......   

Saturday, October 5, 2013

I don't even know where to  begin....

My daughter answered her door tonight to 2 Marines standing there...........................................................................................
They came to tell her that my grandson was dead...He died of a gun shot wound in Afghanistan...At this point, we don't know any other details...we think he may have committed suicide...Oh God, this can't be happening.....
I don't know how we're going to get thru this.....
We don't know when they will bring him home..We may know more tomorrow....They are going to come back and try to answer any questions we have....Oh God...isn't this something that happens to other people???????? No, we are those people....
I NEVER thought I would have to bury one of my grandkids...
For Gods sake, he was only 19...he was still a baby......my baby...and now, he's just gone?????
I blame his father...pure and simple...He physically and emotionally abused him...my daughter begged the courts to not make him go by his fathers house for visits...and I can't even tell you how long that took before they finally agreed........
It doesn't seem real yet..and I'm sure it won't until he comes home...
Please, Please, Keep JJ in your prayers........
 

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Just a short entry.....

My (ex) Father - in - law is coming to the end of his life..
I'm not sure how long it will be, but from what my sister-in-law (ex), has said, he is not doing good at all...

When you get divorced, there are no rules..you make them up as you go..or you adjust to what the other people want...

My ex-husband Mike is not a person that thinks families should stay friends...lol...He doesn't want anyone to figure out that he is always telling someone bs.....He isn't aware that his sister and I have a friendship..Which is a whole story in itself..lol..( I get upset sometimes that she doesn't stand up to him and that it's none of his business if we are friends...
Anyway..........

I had recently told my son Jeremy that he needed to stop at the shop to say hi to his grandpa...now that won't happen..He did see him last month..he had stopped at the shop to see him..He did that on his own..and that makes me proud that he would think of that..
With aspergers syndrome, they don't always think outside of their own circle of time....
He also called him last month on his birthday. His grandpa wasn't home but he left a message..which is another huge step for him....

Last summer I ran into my father in law at walmart...he was warm and friendly and it felt good to talk to him for a bit:)

Growing up without a dad around, I never had that father figure..I always felt I had that with Harold..In the 17 years that his son and I were married, there was never a time that I was angry at him...(different story with my mother in law...lol..)
When my husband and I got divorced, I still worked a few hours a day down at the shop with his dad...until my ex made that impossible...when that happened I cried so hard..I called my ex and screamed at him...I had lost my marriage and then had to deal with the loss of this man also...so unfair...
The last 5 years or so, I have been making cookies for Harold at Christmas...This is something I always did when Mike and I were married...I really just wanted him to know that I was thinking of him...we always had a joke that I took the calories out...lol...

Today when I went to the store to get goodies for the kids, I picked up a card for Harold...The outside of the card says "Remember, whether it's a good day or a bad day....it's always a LOVE you day!!
Perfect....Jeremy comes home tomorrow and then I'm going to have him sign it also and drop it off in Harolds mailbox so Kelly can get it to him...

I was doing okay with everything until I told my daughter about it..then it became real...
Now I've had a good cry and I need to get it together before all of the kids show up...lol...It will be a good day:)
Good morning!!

I hope everyone had a great week:) Mine was okay..a bit busy as usual....lol...
Thursday I started my new part time job..I think it will work out well...It's a good sized clinic..but it's been kept up well..the worst part is all of the mopping..we are supposed to share that duty.. The other girl will do the nurses stations, trash and dusting..The problem is, the girls that were doing the training didn't do any vacuuming in the offices or wipe finger prints off the desk or do any dusting in there..I know what gets done, the other girl doesn't..
The manager asked if I would be in charge of making sure everything is done correctly...Well, I'm not sure I want that responsibility...that's why I got out of management..lol....Plus, he didn't mention a wage increase...Humm, I don't think so...
I'll have to talk to him again and let him know that the new girl was not trained right...
I am going to be in charge of bathrooms and exam rooms..
It was really nice to get in the car and drive the block and a half to get home..loving that part...lol...
Yesterday I started an hour early at my day job..I wanted to leave at 2 so I could get to the house that I clean every other Friday. My boss signed me out on my time card for 2 but told me that I could leave at 1:30...so nice....It shows that she appreciates me:)
I got the house done about 3:45..came home and showered and then headed to the clinic at 5:20..lol...so it was a very hectic day but not as bad as I had thought it would be...

I have my baby sitting job today...They are going to bring the kids to my house..Yay....I told them they could leave the kids over night and just pay me for the time they are actually gone..I'm sure they will be honest about it:)
I'm also going to have Cameron and Destiny over for the night. I thought it would be nice for the kids to have someone to play with..We're going to have a pop corn and movie night..it should be fun..
I went to Walmart at 7 this morning to get some goodies...Now I just want to get my laundry done and the house cleaned...

It's a beautiful day out...I'm hoping that the rain holds off so the kids can play outside for a bit...

Hope you all have a wonderful week-end:)